This following article was put together over the holidays of 2014 and published to facebook – I’ve added it here to help provide a more complete picture of both myself, and the food I enjoy.
Kaylee’s been a bit ill the last few days, so I’ve been eating these almost constantly in order to add dietary excitement to house bound days – and in the spirit of Christmas (and to sabotage all your upcoming diets), I’d like to share with you all this sandwich.
Against my grain, I have to admit this is actually a moderately healthy sammich. We begin with a panini. And a plate. A work surface is useful.
Oh, and a bowl. Add some mustard to the bowl – half a teaspoon will do.
Mix with an equal amount of water – and a spoon (pictured for clarity). Mustard takes about ten minutes to develop its full flavour, so don’t rush. Even cookies need love. Or something.
Split the slightly warmed panini. Ah, I didn’t tell you to warm it; warm it while your mustard rehydrates, then if you’re a bloke apply butter in that slightly cack-handed way we do. If you’re female, apply butter smoothly and evenly with a small degree of smugness.
Cut up some tomatoes and apply them to your bread, and wash some lettuce leaves. (I think you’re supposed to use apollo, I’m using what I could find in the shop).
Right, here’s where I confuse some of my friends – these things are gherkins, the same things you’ve been seeing me fish out of my burgers for as long as you’ve known me.
Take it on trust, in this sandwich they are not the green sticks of hate; rather our tasty flavour friends. Add them to the growing master-work.
Now take your washed lettuce and add.
Apply mixed mustard mayo splurtyness to the lettuce layer – it is the mortar that holds our next layer in place.
(I’m using Hellmans real mayo here – because I’m not a T.V. chef and snobbishly telling you to make your own)
Further worried friends will have been concerned that I appeared to be making a sandwich without meat. Relax, here is a tasty layer of pastrami.
If you’re vegetarian, then you may not want to use pastrami – I don’t know what the vegetarian equivalent is, and I wouldn’t presume to suggest anything. I’ll have to leave that as an exercise for the reader
Cut two thin slivers of Monterey Jack (this is traditional, but only possible because our local shop keeps an eclectic stock, use whatever cheese you want) and pop then on the growing tower.
If anyone approaches your sandwich at this point, remember there is a knife on the work-surface – you can defend your food if required.
Get some sauerkraut and dish it on – that 1 kilo tub in the background cost 1 pound, and has a three year shelf life (low in calories too if that’s your thing).
Attempt to close the panini. Remember to keep an eye on anyone nearby.
And now – the marketing shot – cut the sandwich into hand size gobbling portions and begin stuffing your deserving face.
So there it is – a amazing sandwich that you – yes, you – can make in your own home using utensils and ingredients that may only need buying!